To have and to hold…


While a summer missionary I met a young man working in the church office.  His name was Bob.  Little did I know at the time, but he would become the second biggest and best decision I would make in my life…as I would someday say yes to his proposal and become his wife.  The depression had me in tail spins still, but everything was about to come into focus. Please understand I am not saying I am blameless for the poor decisions I made.  They were all mine, but I was finally going to understand why I behaved the way I did, like the isolation, the anxiety, the insomnia and the sleeping so much.  After meeting Bobby, he later asked my mom’s permission to court me and then asked her permission to marry me.  We were finally married and I thought all would be well,  but it was not.  It was our first year of marriage and i had a big health scare and the depression was back with a vengeance.  BUT there was a difference.  Bobby started to notice my symptoms.   He got me to a doctor and it all made sense.  I had clinical depression.  Clinical depression is the more-severe form of depression, also known as major depression or major depressive disorder. It isn’t the same as depression caused by a loss, such as the death of a loved one, or a medical condition. I was not just tired, down, sad, or lazy.  It was not that I did not have enough faith to get better.  I physically was not well. As it turns out, all that time that I felt lost and aimless I Was NOT.  I was still God’s child. That did not changed just because I was a Christian with depression. I have got to tell you, it sometimes felt like I was all alone, but I WAS NOT.  I really thought I was the only Christian failure out there.  But I was never out of His sight or hands. God had good in mind for me and He would NEVER let me go…Tomorrow I will tell you how we found out I had this thing called depression….

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  Romans 8:35

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.    Romans 8:38-39